Scott Linehan....

Real Men of Genius...

From the healthy, Norton virus protected notebook of your commish.  Monday December 15th, 2003 2:02 PM

Rambling after week 15...

So to steal yet another theme from another source....this week will salute some of those men who are idiots in the NFL.

First off, we salute you Scott Linehan for having the stones to rush the football 20+ times in the first half...when behind. I'm sure that the thank you card from Rex Grossman will arrive at your house in time for Christmas.

Next up is Arthur Blank (the guy that signs Michael Vick's large paycheck). Way to get rid of one of the best coaches in the league right before playing (and getting spanked by) a very good Indy team. I'm also sure that the thank you card from the Reeves' household will make it to your office before Christmas.

How about Joe Horn. You're not Terrell Owens. Not in size, speed, ability, stats, originality or size of your paycheck. So put the cell phone away and go get the other one from under the other goalpost and get rid of that one too. The only reason you should have a phone with you on the field is to call 9-1-1 as you are getting killed in the playoffs next month. (p.s., the Giants won't be your opponent in the playoffs either)

On the same lines....Chad "Almost Keyshawn" Johnson is next. Did you see the sign he had hidden with the "Please don't fine me anymore" message? You'd think a guy that makes that much money could at least get a good looking sign made. Also, Chad has yet to learn that all the old white guys in the league office have little if any sense of humor on these types of things.

And finally....Saddam Hussein. Hiding in a spider hole with a gun that he didn't even attempt to use. Very pathetic way for the big guy to become captive.

So let's move onto the results from the FFB semifinals in both the BIGFFBL and the F**kers.

In the BIG

Smith (I mean Juice) puts up HUGE numbers behind Peyton and LT's 40+. Throw in a Marshall and a little Moss and you have a 167 point week. Jugsie gave it a good shot with Aaron "Almost benched for Bouman" Brooks' 5 TD's to go with Priest and TO, but ended up falling to Juice 167-144.

Nookie also has a 40+'er on his team with Joey "Dumbass" Horn. (*note, I'm pissed about all this celebration crap cause it's just the start of the NFL's dismal spiral into becoming just like the NBA) Along with Clinton and a Driver sighting, the BIG defending champ knocks off the Little Brother Bastards 134-95. Jonny got some consistent scoring but nobody broke 20. Early line on next week's final....'no line' until the results on Clinton's MRI are back.

In the F**kers

Heggen's boys put a whooping on JC...and apparently cats get 9 lives but JC only got 3. Unless Donovan has a 'Bruce Almighty' type experience tonight, Heggen will move to the finals against the Hijackers. Joe Horn's 1st TD put the nail in the coffin, but his 3rd and 4th ones were like beating a dead horse.

In the other semifinal, Juice's Jackers led by Aaron Brooks and that LT guy damn near doubled up the HOS in yesterday's action. Kern, who up till yesterday had made all the right moves, didn't realize that Air McNair was a risky play and if nothing else has a scapegoat for his failure to make the championship.

Early line on next week's final....Juice -3.5. I like the versatility of LT, but Heggen should realize that Rudi should be starting instead of Dillon and that'll keep it tight.

Since the fantasy season has pretty much wound down (and I'm needing to fill some more space in this column) here are some of my post season awards...

BIGFFBL FA pickup of the year - Tie: A.Boldin/D.Davis both by Rocky Mt Oysters. Hon Mention: Rudi Johnson by Wonger.

BIGFFBL Trade of the year - No Question: P.Manning/LT for T.Green/HOF RB. Juice should be in a cell with Saddam for this one

BIGFFBL/F**kers Dumbass move of the year - Undoubtabally: JC's first round pick of Donovan McNabb.

BIGFFBL still cursed award - Tie: Smitty and Jugs. Death, Taxes and Their Luck.

Time to study for some finals so I'll sign off...

Merry Christmas everyone.

Need I say more?

BIGFFBL senior writer Jeremy Carlson (TEQ) sounds off whenever he feels like it on www.bigffbl.com