Drink up and Smarten up...

From the healthy, Norton virus protected notebook of your commish.  Tuesday December 5th, 2006 8:08 PM

Rambling after Week 13...

Not gonna lie to you - and hate to let Suomala down, but it's gonna be a short one this week.  So, let's get right to it.....IF THE PLAYOFFS WERE TODAY (and they almost are....)

Bulldog Champs - Juice (10-3)
Husky Champs - Nookie (6-7)
Bison Champs - Flying Fish (8-5)
Wildcard - Smitty (8-5)
Golden Toilet - Tang (3-10)

What are the possibilities this week?

Smitty wins over JC - Smith clinches the Wildcard.
Suomala wins over the LB's - Suomala clinches the Bison
Nookie wins over the Red Horse - Nookie clinches the Husky.

or

a JC win and Suomala loss - JC clinches the Bison
a Sailors win, Suomala loss and Smith loss - Mike could possibly clinch the wildcard
a Kinger win and Nookie loss - Kinger clinches the Husky
a WoJo win, Kinger loss and Nookie loss - Scottie clinches the Husky

There are other situations where Suomala can win the wildcard, but I choose to not give myself a migraine figuring them all out.  The condensed story is that out of the 12 teams, still only 1 playoff spot is locked up.  That leaves 11 teams.  Jonny has the Toilet in his possession, so that leaves 10 teams and 3 playoff spots with 7 of those teams still eligible.  Not too shabby.....nice season fellas.

As for my brief comments......it's frickin cold out there.  And now snow to go with it.  Not enough snow to be useful, well, unless you put food on your table by working as either a tow truck driver or body shop guy.

How about them Vikings.....all three QB's sucked.  But Brad sucked the worst (or would that be the most?)  Thankfully, Rex Grossman and Jay Cutler managed to keep the highlight shows away from Brad's horrible performance.  We need to quit being the place where QB's go to pasture (Warren Moon, Randall Cunningham, Jeff George and now Brad Johnson).  As much as I hate saying this, pre-injury Daunte is looking pretty good now.  (on the other hand, post-injury Daunte lost his job to Joey Harrington -- and you all know what I think of Joseph)

Anywho....how about some Beer quotes in respect of the good old league's name...

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel shamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy

Well put Jack, well put.  And speaking of Jack, as Kinger and Scottie wrap up their rookie seasons in the league, I'm quite happy to say they'll both be invited to return for a sophomore shot at getting it right (oh, and don't worry guys, the rest of us have been doing this for a lot longer and still haven't figured it out)  Although I guess I should also say that they both have a chance to win it all still this year which is more than I can say for a couple of our ex-champions (ahem Mr. Super and Mr. LB)

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "
~Frank Sinatra

Ahh yes Mr. Sinatra - I guess except for the people that were drinking the night before and woke up in Orlando hugging a toilet.  You know who you are.  Don't pretend like you don't.

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman

I could've swore that quote came from Trav Olson.  No, wait, that would mean he would have intended initially to read something.  (I apologize to the big guy if he happens to read that and make sure he knows it is in good fun because he is, well, pretty much twice my size.)

"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
~ Brian O'Rourke

This is the second lesson in Logic 101.  So, do you own a weed wacker?  (I sometimes wonder just how many of you other than my brothers and Juice understand the background meanings behind my commentary)

Remember "I"! before "E", except in Budweiser

Thus ends our weekly spelling lesson.  (actually a very good way to remember the Bud spelling)

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. ! That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

And speaking of logic, it's hard to beat the man Cliff Claven.  I'll tell you what, those postmen sure know their schtuff.

Boston Legal is on....that means I'm signing off.  See ya next week.

Need I say more?

BIGFFBL senior writer Jeremy Carlson sounds off whenever he feels like it on www.bigffbl.com