From the West Wing....

Of Dillman Hall @ Michigan Tech...

From the healthy, Norton virus protected notebook of your commish.  Tuesday December 2nd, 2003 7:00 PM

Rambling after week 13...

Theme this week...vikings lose, oh wait, that's the new theme of every week.
ed: After a one week break (vs. the Lions no less) the above commentary is back.

Real theme this week....Jokes. The (mostly) good, (some) bad and (none of Long's) ugly. I know, but this is a family show people, gotta stay somewhere near PG...ok PG-13.

First joke...a variation of a Chris Long classic, but hilarious none the less...

A liberal came upon a genie and said, "You're a genie. Can you grant me three wishes?" The genie replied, "Yes, but only if you're feeling generous enough to share your good fortune." The liberal said, "I'm a liberal. I'm always happy to share." The genie said, "O.K., then, whatever you wish for, I'll give every conservative in the country two of it. What's your first wish?" "I would like a new sports car." "O.K., you've got it, and every conservative in the country gets two sports cars. What's your second wish?" "I'd like a million dollars." "O.K., you get a million dollars, every conservative gets two million dollars. What's your third and final wish?" "Well, I've always wanted to donate a kidney."

Good stuff....although the other version is a bit better, ask me some other time.

One week remaining in the BIGFFBL regular season and it's all over. The LB has claimed the Bulldog Division title with Juice hot on his heels pulling in with the wildcard. Nookie is backing into the playoffs (there could be a pun there, take it as you like I guess) and Juggers finally will see the other side as he completes his domination of the Bison.

There is still a race left though...and it's all about the toilet. JC (that would be me) has managed to pull himself out while pushing directly downward on the head of Suomala. With the Fish taking on the LB, it looks like Rico's employee discount will come in handy when sending the toilet towards Wyoming.

Another note....Jason, "Mr. Consistency", is shooting for another solid year. I know 7's are lucky, but 7-7 for four years in a row isn't getting the job done. But what else can be expected from a Hawk other than mediocrity. Maybe we should create a new trophy for "top finish by a Hermanoid"....

Newspaper Headlines in the Year 2035

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.---I don't know whether Castro living till 112 or Chelsea being president is more scary

Texas executes last remaining citizen.---Finally

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.---And they all trace their family tree back to Wilt Chamberlain

As for the F**kers...the playoffs are set. Smith...tough break. Long...let's get it on. (NO...come on now, get your mind out of the gutter) And once again, Thanks go to Madigan who is singlehandedly responsible for a) 3 teams not making the playoffs b) damn near half the pot and c) the reported beer shortage at the Buena.

Just wondering 1....when will the Gus Frerotte Show resume?

Just wondering 2....when will the Tim Rattay Show resume?

Just wondering 3....when will the Jim Fassel Show end?

I've managed to delay this long before talking about the Queens...but it has to be done (Kinda like brushing your teeth in the morning or collecting the eggs from the henhouse or giving away two turnovers every Sunday). I hate Daunte, bench him. I am not stupid. I am not racist. I am also not Mike Tice, so my vote doesn't count. Gus needs to come in and prove that it is humanly possible to both play QB and NOT turnover the ball. Maybe the Vikes need Boyd at practice to make them run some Burma and do some pushups to cut down on those turnovers. That, my friends, is my proposal to Red. (Plus he'd probably come cheap)

What else is there to say this week....not much. Thanksgiving went well, I ate lots and lots and then ate some more. Now I'm back in Houghton for the fall semester's equivalent of October baseball. Two weeks of class then finals then a long break. The only differance between myself and say Torri Hunter is the money, vacations and women.

State Mottos

Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn---Which reminds me of a joke told by Diana Krajewski...not appropriate...

Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names---Just like Moose Lake...

Michigan: First Line Of Defense From The Canadians---And we're damn proud of it...

Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes... And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes---Probably counted with a government research grant...

Nevada: Hookers and Poker!---And a man named Cushman...

North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable---So Long and Madigan can skip the salad...

North Dakota: We Really Are One Of The 50 States!---That is still up to debate...

Vermont: Yep---Yep...

Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?---Even my political aspirations are not that desperate...

Time for the Wonger...

ed: Note that Wong rips me good for my previous comments. I did no editing and stand by my thoughts of Looney John McCain as presented in this column because it's all in good fun and anyone taking this too seriously needs to take a swim somewhere near Niagara Falls.

Another week, another pitiful Vikings defensive effort, and another Vikings loss, so what else is new? I going to go out on a limb now that the winner of the NFC North will have a 9-7 record. In addition, knowing that I can’t wait to start Matt Hasselback this week shows why this has been a lost season for the LD’s. I do have one question though, why did Tice just not kick the field goal to tie the game instead of faking the field goal?---Why? Only the little hamsters that run around in Tice's head can answer that question.

A couple of weeks ago there was an article in The Economist (an excellent news publication) in which an Evangelical pastor cited similarities in the types of racism in Louisiana and Minnesota. The pastor cited comments and letters directed at Dante as evidence. I was very skeptical of this claim until I heard the sports radio talk shows in the Cities. Combine some of these excessively pejorative comments with last summer’s car shooting incident and he may have a point. Whatever is the case, this will not stop the oncoming calls for the return of Gus Frerotte.---It won't and it shouldn't. Daunte is NOT GOOD.

Being in DC, the Game of the Week this Sunday is the Bengals against the Ravens. I’ll say three things about this game 1) Chad Johnson is a pretty good receiver, 2) the Bengals offense is more versatile than the Vikings and 3) Go Bengals!!---Ok, let's stop this before someone starts kissing Esiasion's rear end.

Quote and Outrage of the Week - "I'm usually a fan of McCain but sometimes I wonder if while spending time as a POW he was stuffed." -JC. I'm all for free speech and criticizing politicians, but I'm utterly disappointed with our Commissioner's comments. There are POWs currently being tortured or dying all around the world and to make pejorative comments in this fashion is poor taste in my opinion. Every owner of this league that I know of can be considered a coward for not volunteering for the military and putting yourself at risk to defend this country. If you really want to see stuffed prisoners, go to a Belgian slave museum and see how Belgians stuffed their Negro slaves like animals.---No comment.

Outrage of the Week II - 11 girls hockey players sued the Minnesota State High School League because "Under Title IX, U of M's Ridder Arena is not equal or substantially equal to Xcel Energy Center." Somehow, I don't see how a half-filled Ridder Arena is any different that a one-fifth filled Xcel Center. It looks like the lawyers are getting their money's worth, aren't they?---This is plain stupid. Title 9 pisses me off quite a bit. The law should have been written as follows..."Thou shalt fund women's athletics. Said athletics shall be of the sort in which young, attractable looking women, in both the face and body, shall run hither and thither in such attire as is offensive to thus elder than two score and five. (Translation...volleyball, basketball and semi-nude jello wrestling)

Outrage of the Week III - Los Angeles officials asking that manufacturers, suppliers and contractors stop using the terms "master" and "slave" on computer equipment, saying such terms are unacceptable and offensive. I guess the omniscient "thought police" have permeated throughout the local bureaucracy.---Another bunch of crap. I'll stop now before I get myself in trouble.

This being my last comments this year and my fast approaching termination of my DC experience. I have a some observations 1) Most people in DC are young yuppies who do not have the faintest idea of what the real world is like. Political activism by groups like PETA seem really important to people in the District, but I believe people in Nebraska are still going to eat their steaks no matter what they say or vandalize.---Nebraska could care less what happens in D.C. much less outside of the U. As long as the big red is winning and the old lady has a steak on the table, they're all gonna be happy. Hell, they elected the ex-coach to congress.

2) Best song lyric of how DC works - “Honesty, is such a lonely word. Everyone is so untrue.” – Billy Joel, Honesty.---A solid explaination of why DC is in DC and not in Kansas.

3) Best slogan for DC – “Politics, Deficits, Murder, Homelessness, Inefficiency and Fun!”---A solid explanation of why DC could be moved to Las Vegas without missing a beat.

4) Best part of DC – The Smithsonian has free admission, plus you are close to some great Civil War battlefields. I suggest you check out Gettysburg and Antietam if you ever in the area.---That and the stench of corruption and money.

That’s all for this year. God Bless you all.---Well done. Just like the Cornhusker's steaks.

Wong---and JC...

Need I say more?

BIGFFBL senior writer Jeremy Carlson (TEQ) sounds off whenever he feels like it on www.bigffbl.com