"You idiot! You'll kill us all!"...
"Correction, I'll kill us both!"...
From the healthy, Norton virus protected notebook of your commish.
Tuesday October 28th,
2003 3:36 PM
Rambling after week 9....
Time once again for a column that without my piracy of the genious of Matt Groening, Bill Watterson and Jerry Seinfeld no one would read.
Theme for the week is Calvin and Hobbes....as applied to the NFL.
"No sport is less organized than Calvinball!"
Yea, well....it seems to me that the Vikings defense may think they are playing Calvinball out there the past couple of weeks. Note to George O'Leary....STOP the offense. The Vikings D was as pathetic on Sunday night as I imagine the Rails D was on Friday. Ahman Green looked like a cross of Paul Bunyon and Speedy Gonzalez out there. And Mr. O'Leary, Mr. Favre is not yet enbusted (probably not a word, but you know what I mean) in Canton...you can hit him and a curse will not be put upon you if you touch #4. Really if you think about it, Brettski's block was a harder hit than any of the Vikings defenders made all night.
"To make a bad day worse, spend it wishing for the impossible."
This past week was the final week to set the midseason winner for Juice's Picks contest. Yours truly was (* note WAS) enjoying my only success thus far in the ought-three NFL season with a slight overall lead in the picks. With a one game lead going into the week, a solid chance of grabbing the cash was there if (* note IF) the right moves were made. Had I remembered to match up with Mr. J. Rohweder's picks on Friday night I would have picked up the cash, but I was playing some basketball and got home late and forgot. So, going into MNF, I needed Denver and he needed the Pats. The only way that Denver wins that game is had I phoned up Vegas and wagered an amount larger than the midseason prize on the Pats. I feel smitten.
"You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help."
I try not to pick on them each and every week but it's sooo easy. This quote goes out to Bill Callahan and his crew of misfit land pirates. They lost to the Lions. Not the Barry Sanders led Lions nor the Leos led by Charlie Batch. This absolutely horrible team is led by Mr. Overrated, Joey H. Too make it even more laughable, Interim Coach Callahan said, "The Detroit Lions are a very good football team." Wow...I think they need to hire some scouts or cut back on the meds or take off one of their eye patches.
Sarcastic personal note of the week....thank you to KRAP TV out of Marquette for putting on the Lions/Raiders game while the Colts and Dolphins were playing.
"Most people don't sleep well next to a hungry tiger."
I'll avoid making my second poor attempt in two weeks at humorizing the situation down south with Seigfried and Roy. Apparently a Cardinal can sleep near that Tiger, at least down in the desert. Are there any teams more unpredictable in the league than these two? Cinci has lost to Oakland (see above), Buffalo (who stink) and now Arizona but has beat divisional leaders Baltimore and Seattle. AZ has lost to Detroit (see above) and beat Green Bay and San Francisco. Sometimes the NFL makes my head hurt.
"The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that is even worse."
Man if this one doesn't lead me to Willie Green... So, a guy that is disciplined twice for MJ use (and that's not wearing Air Jordans) in college up in BC gets pulled over with; 1) a flat tire, 2) 3.2 grams of special greens and 3) some blood in his alcohol stream. Nice work. He is officially the D.H. (Yea, I'm still watching Playmakers) of the NFL. Drew Carey and the Dogpound must be proud
"Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless."
I think I'll go with Drew Brees for this one. But a close second is Arlen Harris's 8 carries for 9 yards for the Rams this week. I bet all you out there that picked him up after the monster game last week loved his big numbers. Back to Drewski. After throwing for less yards in the last three weeks than Bulger put up this past game, Coach Marty decided to chance throwing the space time continum out of whack by putting in Doug Flutie who is approximately 75% older than Brees. They didn't beat the Bears but on the bright side, Flutie was able to leave the field on his own power and not in a body bag like most would think.
"If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it again."
This is a very solid lesson to learn in life. This week Corey Dillon (7 carries for 5 yards), Troy Brown (0 catches) and Reggie Wayne (2 catches for 20 yards) did their best to play as badly as they could.
"True friends are hard to come by...I need more money."
Heard from an unidentified voice in the Bucs locker room after Sunday's loss to the Saints....
"Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery."
Amen to that. The big weather geniouses were calling for 4-8 inches for the western UP last night and another 3-6 for this morning. We got, according to Calvin's scale, about 2 pennies worth. I say that the TV stations out here could save a buck or two by purchasing a monkey, a blindfold and a dartboard. Ratings would increase and forecasting accuracy probably as well. Either that or we get Heggen over here to get the job done right....but then I don't know how well he'd do in the ratings against the blindfolded, dart throwing monkey.
"At this room, time enters a no-passing zone."
Hopefully that room is the Dome down in Atlanta. That way McSubb/McNack (he still sucks, just only half as bad now) could throw for 300+ every week in the NFL. Too bad he can't play the Falcons every week in the NFL. (*Another ironic note to my F**kers FFL season. After drafting the Falcons D late in the afternoon at the DAC, Long said something to the effect of, "JC got a hell of a deal, he's gonna get tons of points from their returns and D-Touchdowns. Thanks for the jinx buddy).
Wong's turn...
And a few comments……JC Responds.....
For the second week in a row, the Vikings defense reminds us of their usual
form. Farve was so good maybe they should keep breaking his thumb. But in
my mind the key to that game was lousy tackling and pursuit angles on
defense. Anytime you give up over 260 yards rushing in the NFL, that’s
never a good sign. I’m not even sure they can beat the Chargers next week.LT will be tough. He might just look like Superman on Sunday. The only reason a loss would be interesting is to see just what Old Red will do. He's almost turning into the Jerry Jones of the NFL....wait, there's already one of him. Well, the Jerry Jones without any touchups if you know what I mean.
However, Viking fans can be grateful for one thing: they are not the
Redskins. I don’t know if it’s part of being in DC. But the mass chaos,
egos, and incompetence of this team make even the end of the Denny Green era
seem tranquil in comparison. Maybe Redskins owner Dan Snyder can hire Deion
Sanders to be the next coach. Oh yeah, Denny is still available, isn’t he?I'd like to see Deion be hired as the head coach. Why? Simple, it would prove the fact that he is the least qualified person to do anything around professional sports except return punts and cover deep pass routes.
Halloween anomaly: It sounds like Coach Hylla has adverse luck on Section
title games on Halloween. I think many of you remember the 1997 monsoon.
Well, I think I’d rather take that when I heard that the ‘Noids ran over the
2003 Rails at Egerdahl by nearly 5 touchdowns. It’s as Red McCombs said,
“Humiliating.”Losing to the Hawks by 10 instead of by 28 brings no less shame in my opinion.
I recent saw a NBA commercial showing Mark Madsen saying why he loves the
NBA. I guess it’s because his agent pulled the wool over the NBA’s eyes
into giving him the commercial.Nothing like marketing Mark Madsen to the worldwide audience the NBA has. I bet some people watching the commercial think he is the commissioner or an owner or something.
Quote of the week: “The Lions are a very good football team.” – Bill
Callahan, Raiders Head Coach. Need I say more?(See my comments above)
Finally, after finding out this weekend that my sister will be sent to Iraq
fairly soon, I would like to publicly express my gratitude to our troops. I
think sometimes we take for granted the sacrifices many people make to allow
others to pursue their goals.Same here.
That’s all for this week…me too...
Need I say more?
BIGFFBL senior writer Jeremy Carlson (TEQ) sounds off whenever he feels like it
on www.bigffbl.com