The King of Columns....
Rambling a week past the Midseason...
We've made it from the days back when Howard Dean seemed to have the
Democrats in the palm of his hand, and Al Sharpton provided nightly
comedy relief, to November 2nd....the big day. I'm glad its here and soon
to be over, although either Houghton is really remote or maybe people up here
are more reasonable (probably both) cause the buzz here just isn't as huge as it
seems to be in other locales across this great land. But that's enough of
the elections....you've seen, heard, ate, drank, breathed, lived, died....etc,
way too much of it lately I'm sure, so let's talk some FFB.
So after 8 weeks in the BIG, what do we know? Well, we know that Jason's team is good and Mike's is not. We know that Wong's luck may be running out with both Dillion and Thomas Jones hitting the training room this week, but lucky for him, Jonny's may be as well since Daunte suddenly looks like Daunte. We know that Rico may need to remove his head from Denny Green's lap and realize that no one in their right mind should ever start 4 guys from the same NFL team, much less 4 Arizona Cardinals.....and I suppose technically, Rico started 34 Redbirds since he had their defense, punt and kick return teams along with K, TE and RB in the starting lineup. Wow. We know that Juice is still a kid at heart, well at least a college freshman (atta boy, sleeping cozied up to the throne....then again, I've been there)....and also that he will probably never again make a trade with a Mr. Ben Carlson. We also know that team Nookie might play spoiler the rest of the way if that Vick guy who showed up in week 8 shows up the rest of the way. We know, or at least some of us know, that at least one of our league members was dressed up as a pregnant nun last weekend.... We know that Jugsie is earning his self proclaimed title of Fantasy Superior when he churns out 3 or 4 articles in a single week. We know that Suomala might just have made it back to his 1998 status. We know that JC's squad could be dangerous after going 2-0 without Jamal in the lineup and now returning along with Todd Heap. We know that the LB is on a quiet roll and has slid up the standings in the tough Bulldog Division with his 4-4 record.
So we know quite a bit.....I guess. Here's the big one though, we know that 9 teams are between 3-5 and 5-3 at this point. That my friends is called a logjam in the middle looking at that wildcard spot. Assuming Jason's team doesn't pull about 6 or 7 hamstrings (or equivalently, Curtis Martin's deal with the devil runs out), he will win his first Bulldog Division Championship. The Husky Division is way too close to call at this point with Jonny's Culpepper-led team fading a bit, but still leading Wonger by a game, Rico by 2 and Nookie by 3. Its a tight one, and if I had to call a winner I'd probably give it to Al Gore at this point....but that could change before its all over. Suomala seems to be poised to run away with the Bison Division, but then you look and see that Jugsie is right on his heels. I think that Suomala's lineup is too tough and that he will win the division in a very tight race.
So for those of you paying attention, we know even more after that analysis. The current division winners all have something in common..... Jason, Jonny and Jon.S....ok, yea they all have J-names, but there's more than that. Since I don't feel extremely creative this week (which it can be argued that such may always be the case....), and I'm hungry (which I know is almost always the case....), I'll get to the point. This year seems to be the year of the dads in the BIG. Jason has 1 (and possibly 2 by the time this article gets out....I haven't had an update since Friday), Suomala has 1 and Jonny is next closest (that we know of anyway). So, in a total conta-Jugs theory, the guys that have the least time to spend on FFB are doing the best. Although I'd bet that correlation is about as false as the whole Redskins predicting the Presidential winner. I recall a certain high school economics teacher talking about the false correlations that exist such as how increasing ice cream sales pattern with increasing murder rates, so they must be related, right? I think we are all smart enough to realize that voters don't pick up yesterday's sports page and make their decision on the GOP or Dems, but a more interesting thought it whether Daniel Snyder would try to make his team better cause he believes in the correlation (if so, it would make sense all the goofy things he has done in the past few years to try and win some games).
Back to FFB....let's do some random thoughts this week....
Pittsburgh Steelers....are they for real or was Brady and Co. due? I think we'll all get a good look this weekend when Big Ben faces up with American Idol Terrell Owens. My gut says Philly will roll....now whether that means "roll over" or "get their roll on" remains to be seen.
speaking of New England....are they really that good? Funny how they were being compared to the best ever a week or two ago and suddenly nada. I think they are good, but nothing as good as the east coast based media made them sound.
similarly....Daunte Culpepper.....is he any good? Amazing how Randy sits out a couple (I know he 'started') and Dainty looks like crap. Also, I did not see it, but I heard that Tice basically accused the MN fans of being racists cause Daunte is a black QB. Here's my thinking, I don't care if the guy is black, white, red, yellow or invisible.....if you fumble, throw ints and look as confused as Craig Krenzel you will be ripped on. Don't use the fact that MN is 95%+ Scandinavian to deter the criticism from where it truly belong.
And how about Keyshawn Johnson....who was quoted as saying that Pam Oliver needed a firm spanking for reporting a spat between Key and Dallas's O-Coord on Sunday that Key didn't think happened. More proof that my generalizations of pro-athletes is probably more accurate than not, but....
on the other hand, I learned (and posted on our message board) that Mwelde Moore is a stand up guy that I respect. He finished his career as a 'Green Wave' (which by the way is an option that Proctor can change their mascot to once the DMIR is totally gone from town) and instead of doing what most players to be drafted do, he took 8 classes in the spring semester to graduate on time, as he had promised his mother. He said he fit in his workouts when he could. Not only did he play D-1 football and graduate in 4 years....he was double-majoring in accounting and finance. Now, that is the guy I want in my backfield.
Speaking of the Rails.....wow did they look like horsepucky on Saturday afternoon. Esteemed journalist Chris Long put it best when stating something to the effect of 'that Hylla's playbook sure doesn't have a section titled, "what to do when you're behind"'. Quite true....I've been there, Juice has been there, Smith has been there, Wong has been there and Jon has been there more than once.
and speaking of Long.... I made my first trip to The Palace in Soupie on late Saturday (or early Sunday) and man do they sell a mug of refreshment there.....a guy sure doesn't need to have too many of those to get knocked on his rear quicker than Jay Fiedler.
No snow on the ground yet in Houghton, but it can't be far off when Nov. 1st has shown up. Although it would be a moral victory to make it to Turkey-Day without having to wield a shovel. I figure each day without snow is one less day of shoveling before spring arrives.
Before we close up the Ramblings, I have here in my left hand tonight's top 10 list..... (to be non-partisan, I've made it 'Presidential Statements', but you can fill in your favorite (or not) candidate)
Top Ten Last Minute Presidential Statements
#10 - As soon as I'm President, I'll order bombing runs over Ralph Nader
#9 - If you want to sleep with Charlize Theron, I'll make it happen.
#8 - Screw this, I'm going to Canada
#7 - First 100 to vote for me get free "Grand Slam Breakfast" at Hope, Ak Denny's.
#6 - I'll flood the state of Alabama and turn it into a bitchin' water park.
#5 - I will guarantee funding for studies on how to make Kraft Macaroni and Cheese even cheesier.
#4 - Where's the winner's circle, girls and bottle of milk?
#3 - I think I will vote for the Hillary and Bill ticket.
#2 - Man I hope all those people on Montel's show aren't registered voters.
#1 - Can't we just let Darrell Hammond be President?
Need I say more?
BIGFFBL senior writer Jeremy Carlson sounds off whenever he feels like it on www.bigffbl.com