Halfway Home....
Rambling at the Midseason...
Gentlemen...ahh, who am I kidding....fellas, it is Tuesday night and you
know what that means, that's right, its time for America's Fastest Growing Quiz
Sensation....Know Your Current Events. Tonight's categories:
JC: Let's head out into the crowd. Do we have a Eric Wong with us this evening? Eric Wong? The Wongmeister.... Is there a Wong in the house? Where are you.....ahh, way up there in the balcony, no, its OK, you stay there, I'll come up. Mr. Wong, what category would you like to choose, know your current events, cuts of meat, favorite culinary female minimum security prisoner, NFL RB's who have a cocaine/opium problem or guys who look good bald?
EW: Indeed, I'll go with Know Your Current Events.
JC: Naa, you don't want that one....go with this one....
EW: Ok, whatever, I'll take Know Your Cuts of Meat.
JC: Question number 1. (shot of a pig rolling in the mud) Is this animal the source of, a) pork chops, b) bacon, c) smoked ham or d) baby back ribs?
EW: Easy enough....we use that in the restaurant all the time....its all of those.
JC: Absolutely correct....only one question away from the big prize. And here it is (shot of a European Albino cat)....Is this animal the main ingredient in a) wonton soup, b) sesame chicken, c) peking duck or d) vegetables with rice?
EW: Hmmm....can't be in any of those....
JC: Ohhh....close, the answer is actually ALL of those dishes are mainly feline, surprised you didn't know that. Sorry.....but no one goes away empty handed here, Alan, what do we have for Mr. Wong?
AK: Tonight's winner receives a $100 gift certificate to Rupert Jee's Hello Deli! good for cheese. Back to you.
JC: We have time for one more competitor.....I'm looking for Missy....Missy Carlson. Is there a Missy Carlson here tonight? Ahh, here we are. Is this elderly gentlemen your father?.....your husband, sorry, my bad......no, please sir, don't stand. Let's pick a category. We still have current events, favorite culinary female minimum security prisoner, RB's with a drug problem or good looking bald guys on the board......I'll just pick this one for ya....Know Your Guys Who Look Good Bald. Question #1..... (shot of Kenny Smith and Tom Tolbert) Which of these guys looks good bald?
MC: Hmmm.....well, the white guy is more my type, but his odd shaped melon is kinda disturbing....so I'm gonna go with the short - annoying looking guy.
JC: Correct! Even all the fellas in the band have to admit Kenny would be the choice over Tom "T-Bone" Tolbert. Now on to the money round.... (shots of KDLH news anchor Pat Kelly, local FFB guru Randolph Ocken, '98 PHS Alum Steve Beaudin and '82 HHS Alum Jason Carlson flash briefly across the screen) Missy, it was Missy right?, this is a tough one.....which one of these guys looks good bald?
MC: Hmmm......well.......um.......
JC: Absolutely correct! No answer should be given cause its pathetic to even imagine pictures of these guys on national TV for any longer than this. Missy, you have won the grand prize.....Alan?
AK: Tonight's grand prize is a all-expenses paid vacation to scenic Proctor, Minnesota. You will stay 7 nights at the Americinn located only minutes away from Terry Egerdahl Memorial field where you now have lifetime passes for all sporting events. Also included is an unlimited bar tab at the local Blackwoods which will allow you to celebrate every Rail victory to the fullest.... Back to you....
JC: Well kids, lets close it up, and that's how we play, "Know Your Current Events".....
Sticking with a theme....for some reason....."From the home office in Houghton, Michigan, its time for Tonight's Top 10 List"
Tonight's List is, The Top 10 Things Overheard in the Broncos Locker room Last Night
#10 - "What's Don King doing here?"
#9 - "Weeeeeeeeeeeeee!"
#8 - "Sometimes I get really itchy, is that good?"
#7 - "Does this look infected?"
#6 - "Chad Johnson runs really fast!"
#5 - "It might have been a mistake to let Don Knotts play quarterback."
#4 - "Bad idea to have that pregame meal of pancakes and beer."
#3 - "Did you see those guys? They were huge!"
#2 - "We'd rather watch the Super Bowl to see the commercials....you miss those when you're playing in it."
#1 - "Boy it feels good to do some charity work for the people of Cincinnati."
Anyway, let's do some BIGFFBL discussion here.... Safe to say that some teams made up some ground during the divisional weeks while some took it on the chin. Jason and Jugsie both ran the table in the past 3 weeks to make significant moves towards Divisional Championships. Juice's collapse has made the wildcard race....well, a race. We now have 8 teams at either 4-3 or 3-4 with realistically only Nookie and Mike essentially out of the playoff picture.
Questions.....will Jason lose again? Will Mike win at all? Can the LB's make a run from 1-3 to the wildcard? Will Ben or Mike break 1000 total points? (both are on pace for about 1030). Will Jonny actually be able to win the Husky Division on the strength of Daunte alone? Will Wonger's magic 8 ball continue to lead him to make all the right moves? Will Smitty's new status as quarter-century experienced boost his boys to the playoffs? Could Rico have been not so crazy in drafting all those Cardinals? Will the Hellfish hang on for their first winning record since 1998? Many questions, not many answers at this point, but the haze is starting to clear....
A couple non-divisional weeks will lead us into the big games of weeks 10-12 which will be the difference makers most likely. The season is shaping up as a pretty tough one with a couple good teams, a couple bad teams and a bunch in the middle....funny, kinda like the NFL.
Let's hand out some mid-season awards....both for the BIG and for the NFL....*Note I'm doing this off the top of my head, so if I forget someone, too bad....
JC's Midseason Fantasy All-Pros
Culpepper, Priest, Tiki, Owens, Moss, Gates, Rackers, Baltimore
Daunte is en-fuego....his bad game this past week was almost 200 with a TD and no INT's.....nice 'bad' game.
Except for last week, I probably wouldn't have Priest in here, but damn, how can you argue with those numbers.....and he would have had more had he not rolled the ankle a little.
Tiki....Juice can continue to kick himself....I believe this is the second time over the years that Ben has pulled the wool over the Dr.'s eyes, but Portis is not good (Shanny's system had an effect for sure) and Tiki is (Coughlin's coaching also has a big effect for sure).
Terrell....I'll admit, I thought Wong jumped on this pick way too early, but I'll eat those words. This guy is the answer. He is the team. Donovan has nothing to to with it....TO opens up everything for the rest of those guys and Dono just has to be Tom Brady and not screw up and Philly may get a close up look at Brady sometime around inauguration time.
Randy....even with the injury, which could remove him from this list come season's end.....is the man. His TD catch in the Saints game was unbelievable. How a guy can run wide open, catch the rock and get both feet down that quick is insane. No question Randy gets this spot.
For those of you who do not know Antonio Gates....he is a Virgo, enjoys long walks on the beach and plays TE for San Diego (yes, San Diego has a NFL team). With McCardell there, all that will do is open up the middle for Gates to catch the ball even more cause this team will be behind often and Brees has pretty much Chris Sumbs-esque arm strength. Suomala has a good one here.
Neil Rackers....he's only here cause of last week's game. Again, for those of you who have no clue.....Rackers is Rico's boy...AZ's kicker. He is my pick because of this....last week, against Seattle, he hit FG's of 55, 55 and 50 yards (not to mention some other 'easy' stuff). Yea, no typos there....3 over 50 in one game with 2 at 55! Wild, wacky stuff.
Finally, Baltimore probably deserves this spot, but in respect to one of the most athletically (and verbally) blessed individuals of our day, Deion gets a mention here. His TD this past week was amazing since he's almost twice as old as the guys he is covering. Makes the piss-poor showing that Champ made last night on Chad even more pathetic.
Rookie of the year.....gotta be Roy Williams, but Mwelde is getting close....no big guys that have played all year (maybe that QB from Steel town but I refuse to type that finger-twister again)
BIGFFBL Coach of the year.....(to this point)....should be unanimous for Jason. Should finally break the 7-7 streak (and in the right direction too I might add). Unless the injury bug hits Jason hard, he should find himself in his first BIG postseason.
BIGFFBL Toilet Hopeful.....Sadida's boys. Not looking good for Mike, but with a week 9 match against Nookie on the schedule, there is a chance at busting the goose egg.
Well, dinner time for me....have a good week and REMEMBER TO VOTE.
That's all I've got....have a good week boys....
Need I say more?
BIGFFBL senior writer Jeremy Carlson sounds off whenever he feels like it on www.bigffbl.com