JC's Ramblings....

From the healthy, Norton virus protected notebook of your commish. Tuesday October 23rd, 2007 6:30 AM

Nothing like being up before 5 - and I'm not even going out in the woods to sleep...er, I mean, hunt. Just up early to heat some water.....ok, well, not just some, but 3,000 gallons. In all honesty, I'd rather have 6,000 - but can't do anything about that. This is just another situation where if I had some sort of remote control for the switch at the plant, I'd have gained another hour and a half of sleep. But hey, why not get up, read the news and get the old Tuesday update out of the way.

Mark it on the calendar - October 23rd - first day this fall that I had a cup of cappuccino at work. That is the first sign of winter's impending doom - or, as a glass half full view, of the reduction in the number of hours I find myself in this office each week.

Nevertheless.....(and yes, apparently spell check agrees with me that is one word).....how about some news. Well, the DNT ran a front page story last Sunday on how the college kids and old folks in the eastern Duluth neighborhoods are having a tough time co-existing. Same old story - college kids want to drink and spray automobiles and bodily fluids all over the neighborhood while the families who have lived there for years would like to see an archery season opened. I'm, not surprisingly to my brothers of course, on the side of the neighborhood families on this one. I'm not a big fan at all of the 'accepted' behaviors of the stereotypical college student.....so, my plagiarized thoughts are as follows (ok - to give credit - this is from someone who wrote on the DNT message board):

The number one thing that irks me is this Minnetonka-esque, Apple Valley attitude that 'well, we spend money here, our parents have money, you should be lucky we come to your piddly town, so deal with it. We should be able to do whatever we want because we have money.' UMD students for the most part do not spend money here. I can't count how many shopping bags I see lying in the rental house yards from Lunds, Byerleys, Rainbow Foods; not to mention all the trips to Southdale, Ridgedale, etc - hardly any of these kids stay here on the weekends. That's why UMD is called a 'suitcase campus' - rich kids don't want to spend any more time in second-rate houses than they have to, unless it's to get drunk, stoned or high and rip the place apart. I have no problem with UMD growing but I do have a problem with the quality of students accepted. The students I have been seeing at UMD over the last decade are not what I would consider university-caliber material. Many, not all, seem like kids who couldn't get in to Michigan or Minnesota and their parents pulled enough strings so they could get into their last resort - UMD. I can't believe that these are the people who will be getting jobs over hardworking people without degrees solely because they have a degree. And no, I don't want these kids in my yard either. I have no patience for 18-30 year olds who are 10 years behind in their emotional maturity.

On to another topic for those of you who are still with me here.....Apple Inc. (formerly Apple Computer) and their headmaster Steve Jobs (whose sexual orientation is being checked on by JK Rowling) are rolling in money. Lately, Apple has been about as much of a money tree as there is on Wall Street. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around these numbers.....in the 3rd quarter of 2007 (essentially the summer) they sold 1.12 million iPhones, 2.16 Mac computers and 10.2 million iPods. That's just for the three month period folks. Simplest way to put it for me -- I will seriously consider a Mac for my next laptop. I'm sure with Mac sales up 34% over a year ago, I'm not the exception to the old rule.

Touching on one more news story before I hand out some mid-season BIG awards (see how I keep you interested there, it's the old bait and switch, hook and sinker, pb and j, franks and beans -- ok, now honestly, how many of you just pictured Warren from Something About Mary?). Oh yea, back on topic....today, Gov. Mitt Romney pulled a slight of tounge let's call it by mistakenly referring some jihadist actions to Sen. Obama when he meant Osama Bin Laden. Nothing like those northeastern politicians opening their mouth and stuffing it in knee-deep.

Now that we've covered local news, finance and politics....how about some sports. We've made it to the half-way point of the BIG regular season and perfection only exists by our defending champ. And not so heavy on the 'defending'. The Flying Hellfish are defending about as well as Custer. 0-7 will get you the award for the Worst Team of the Half

Just like how you never remember who finished second behind the cheater, like behind Ben Johnson in Seoul in '88 or Floyd Landis in Paris in '07 or Charlie Sheen in Hollywood from, well, the last decade -- if you focus on Suomala's 0-7, you might miss Ben's 1-6....but not me. I'm here to point that out for ya'll. On the good side, at least Ben's bitching to the top got him his free flight. So, Second Worst Team of the Half along with the Most Successful Bitching awards go to Ben.

On to the award for Luckiest SOB. Easy call on this one. Quick quiz.....which NFL player would any of us love to have on our team for the next 5 years? LT? Nope, he'll be past his peak in 5 years I think. Peyton....um, no. Brady? This streak can't last for him. The correct answer (and no Wong, not Raaasshhawnnn Saaalaammm, hahaha) is Adrian Peterson, the Minnesota one. That goes to Jonny.

Next up is the Living on a String award. Not quite like the I-35 bridge collapse, but same idea. With one injury, this team would go down the toilet. Kinda like the Sport's Guys favorite squad would be in Barney if the Old QB Tom Brady went down, Scottie's team would be a goner (and out about 35+ points per week). Award goes to....the wIZards.

On to the Mr. Inconsistent award. Nothing gives a fantasy owner more of a headache than when his team can't put up consistent points week to week. It's almost better to always be below 80 than to have your team every once in a while hit 125+, only to follow it up with an under 65. The Little Red Horse is the only team so far this year to have 2 games over 125 and 2 games under 65. Gotta love that.

How about the award for the Least Exciting - but competitive - Roster. When I read down the entire roster and the only player that I look at and think, "hmmm, I'd like to have him on my team" is the TE, that is not a good thing. At least for Jugsie, our Fantasy Superior, he's still doing well and is very competitive.

A perfect team will win the first half's Most Unlucky aka: Most Screwed Over award. This team is once again at the top of the league in scoring and at the bottom of his division in wins/losses. Doesn't this happen every year? Isn't there some sort of good Karma from writing our site? Or is this bad Karma making up for something else? Hmmm.....no speculation here, just awards. The Fat British Pigeons fit this one like Cinderella.

The Best Looking Core award probably needs a smidge (no Ben, not 'midge') of explanation. I'm looking at the RB's and WR's only. Thus, I feel like John Madden saying/typing this, this is the 'core' of your team. With Westbrook/M-Jones-Drew/Kev. Jones and Holt/Housh/Mason, the LB's easily pick up this award. (Note....ironically Jon's workout schedule/habits would not allow him to be in the running for the 'best core' as might be defined by Men's Health magazine)

I'll award myself with the Golden Keyboard award....for continuing to spew out this crap week after week.

Kinger gets the Best Job Overcoming Injuries for holding first place without Marvin and Andre for most of the first half.

Team Denny Crane's award is the Best Seat Warmer for the first half --- I highly doubt Juice will win the division with Jon and Smitty's teams to complete with.

Finally.....thank god......is Those Crazy Drunken Sailors. Mike gets the First Half Champion award with his league leading 6-1 record. His only loss came with Gates on a bye and S.Jax and Javon injured.....and he still had 110+. Look for Mike to hit the playoffs this year.....and hit 'em hard.

BIGFFBL senior writer Jeremy Carlson sounds off whenever he feels like it on www.bigffbl.com

Already looking towards my couch nap...