"Feel The Power of the Ultimate Warrior"...

And other great 80's catch phrases...

From the healthy, Norton virus protected notebook of your commish.  Wednesday October 8th, 2003 7:16 PM

Rambling after week 5....

"Good evening, and what can I tell ya?" Dennis Miller on Saturday Night Live. Dennis Miller always opened "Update" with this little ditty.

Well gentlemen. We have reached week 5....the last week in which I will not need a calculator to figure out winning percentages (at least until week 10).

Strange week it has been though. I believe the world will officially come to an end sometime in the next 3 to 4 days. You might be asking why....we'll, two occurances will prove without a doubt this is true.

1. The mercury hit 80 in Houghton today. Yea, 80 on October 8th, in Houghton Michigan. I hate when God teases us.
2. October 8th will live in infamy since it was the day when the citizens of the great state of California woke up with the Terminator as their governor. Let me be the first to thank the west coast morons on taking any attention and ridicule left away from Minnesota. A sidenote, October 9th will be the day that the citizens of So-Cal wake up and realize that the honeymoon is over, the new car smell is gone and The First Lady of California is Maria Shriver. Ouch.

"I'll be back." The Terminator

Yea, I am sure that was not the last Arnold reference to be found in this column.

So Mike has made his standard trade of the year. (Is it too early to reserve the right to "first to discuss trades with Mike" for '04?). Giving up Galloway (#1 WR in the #1 offense) for I.Bruce (#2 WR in pretty good offense) seems like a weak to fair deal for both sides, but when adding in that Mike gave up a 3rd for a 5th to the LB in this deal....I'm not saying Mike got screwed, but I might be. Hey, once again, thanks for being in my division Mike. Of course, what the heck do I really know about FFB anyway, my team is hoping to break 1000 points total this year.

And speaking of the league leading LB. I need to give credit where it is due. The new helmet he designed is solid for him....it's all due to the power of Gatorade.

But onto the sporting world. The Vikings are still undefeated, but their story is second rate compared to that of the Indy Colts. Wow. Let me say it again, WOW. There are a few moments in life that you wish you hadn't missed. I watched Ronde pick Peyton and take it to the house to go up 35-14 in the fourth quarter. I then went to bed cause the game was over. Did I mention there were 6 minutes left, the home team was winning, the "best defense in NFL history" was holding the lead, they are (not for long) the defending Super Bowl champs and 99.999999% of games in this situation have ended as expected in NFL history? Well....this was the 0.0000001% that didn't. And if not to miss the end wasn't enough of a kick in the teeth, I also lost one fantasy game due to Marvin's second TD and another due to the McCardell debachle (which I really can't argue with, but a guy has to try) and finally missed out on a share of the Pigskin Picks overall lead due to the Tampa roll over. My explaination....It was past Gruden's bedtime.

I found a page with some good 80's catch phrases, so I'll sprinkle them around as I move through some baseball and football thoughts...

"Good Grief!" Charlie Brown

So RIP, 2003 Twins. It was a good run. I'm not going to badmouth the boys cause we have at least been to the show the last two years and I have friends over here in goofy country that are die hard Tigers fans, what a life. I hope that Pohland will pony up and dust off the old checkbook to hang on to Stewart, Eddie and Hawk, but we'll see.

"Handle it, Roy!" Boss Hogg on Dukes of Hazzard. Said with Southern accent, of course--more like "Hannel it Roy!"
"Have mercy" Uncle Jesse on Full House.

Both of these go out to "Sigfield and" Roy Horne. He obviously wasn't able to handle it, but I hope he recovers. It's a shame since I had hoped to take in the show at some point down at The Mirage on the strip.

"Here! Kitty, Kitty, Kitty!!!" ALF on ALF.

I think this is what is heard out of the Baltimore camp as they prepare for the Bungles in week 6.

"Hey, Hey, Hey, What is going on here?" Mr. Belding. Saved By The Bell.

Was that Richard Belding or Alvin Davis? With Beldings supervisory skills and ability to hadle tough situations, he might be a good FA pickup for the Raiders.

"How much longer Papa Smurf?" Smurfs

Did you ever notice the resemblence of the walrus to Papa? I'm not talking Stadler either. No coincidence that the 'Hawks wear blue. I say get that man a pair of red pants and we'll see where the head smurf has gone in his old age.

"I ain't goin' on no damn plane, FOOL!" B.A. Barrakas on The A-team.

This one is too easy. I believe these words were taken verbatium from John Madden's contract with ABC. It was right under the "half a side of beef at halftime" clause.

"I Get No Respect" Rodney Dangerfield on From his stand up days (and some of his movies).

Even in losing, Steve "McVP" McNair was impressive. Stealing two short TD's from the RB not to be named along with tossing the rock for about a quarter mile (that's about 1.5 kilometers for our canadian readers). Too bad Dono McSuck managed to get all the press AGAIN this week. One bit of advice for McNair...don't sign a contract with Cambell's, EA Sports or Sports Illustrated and you'll be in Canton in about 15 years.

"I'm Larry. This is my brother, Darryl. This is my other brother, Darryl" Larry on From Newhart.

And they're all Steeler fans and are about ready to crucify Tommy Maddox and stone Billy Cowher unless they feed the Bus and quit trying to be the Rams (of 3 years ago).

"I pity the fool!" Mr. T on The A-Team.

Yea...the fool that thinks the Cowboys aren't for real. This team has a solid D....the top O and a coach that gets it done. Whatever J-Jo spent to get the Tuna.....it was a bargain.

"Not!!!" Wayne Campbell on Wayne's World on SNL.

The Vikings will go undefeated. Ok, as Wayne says...Not. But, with a 5-0 start and a healthy Daunte coming back, they will be ready to rock with the Broncos in week 7.

"Not gonna do it!" Dana Carvey as George Bush on Saturday Night Live.

Same deal for the Colts....but I wouldn't mind seeing either the Vikes or Colts run the table to shut up the old men from the '76 Dolphins.

"Now we do the dance of Joy!" Balky on Perfect Strangers.

I believe Perfect Strangers was set in Chicago and what a fitting quote for the Kordell led Bears after coming back to defeat The Janikowskis 24-21.

"Survey Says!!" Richard Dawson on Family Feud.

The best (or maybe just luckiest) unknown DB in the league is named Brian Russell. He has 5 interceptions already. And for those of you who didn't know this....he's a Viking.

"Sometimes it's so easy, I'm ashamed of myself" Various people on You Can't Do That.

I'd say this is what Randy Moss thinks at night, but I know better.

"We just want to pump (clap) you up." Hans and Franz (said together.) on SNL.

No relation to any team...just had to get this quote in there.

"What You Talkin' 'Bout Willis?" Gary Coleman on Diff'rent Strokes.

When TO went off last week after he was told he wasn't open on every play, this is what I imagined him saying to Garcia.

"Who could it be? Could it be, Satan?" Dana Carvy as the Church Lady on Saturday Night Live.

Nope, that's just Stephen Davis running all over you to lead the Carolina Panthers to a 4-0 start like they sold their souls to the devil though.

"Wocka, Wocka, Wocka" Fozzie Bear on Muppet Babies.

That was the play call for the game winning kick return by D.Hall in the Chefs (yea I did that on purpose) game last week. When they show the replay 4,000,000 times on Sunday morning (cause you know they will) just imagine him saying that in his head as he bobs and weaves through the D.

"Zoiks!!" Screech on Saved By The Bell.

Coach Schottenheimer's response after realizing that even with Bad Boy Boston going off his team is now 0-5. Maybe Junior might have been worth hanging on to.

Now on to Wonger's commentary.... Political Point – After reading and hearing about this Rush Limbaugh – Donovan McNabb fiasco this past week where Limbaugh accused the media of “social concern” for ensuring black quarterbacks and black coaches do well, I think as the commissioner designated “league politician” I give my two cents. I think the way this whole situation played out shows the power of the concept of “community” is in our society. It has been proven throughout history that people can separate themselves into different communities and create much social change, good or bad. Take religion (Catholics vs. Protestants, Jews vs. Muslims, the present-day “Jihad” vs. “Crusaders, “ etc.), race (Black vs. White, Latino vs. White, Asians vs. everyone else), class (rich vs. poor), gender, etc. have run into conflict through the years, causing war and social change through governmental and social institutions. This whole Limbaugh-McNabb fiasco is just scraping a scar that has been opened many times. Think about it and take it what it’s worth. -- I don't remember making that designation, but so be it. Since that last paragraph probably lost the non-Carleton educated readers, I'll swiftly move on.

Now on to more important matters.. -- finally

So the Twins season has ended in another playoff exit. I don’t know what to say about losing to a team that is a cartoon sketch from Saturday Night Live and is able to buy all their talent at exorbitant prices. But I do know that the Twins are 1-7 in their last 8 playoff games. So I suggest that next year if the Twins make the playoffs again that a man who knows how to win championships, former Twins manager Tom Kelly, sit right next to Gardy as his bench coach. -- First off, only 8 teams make the playoffs total. So I don't care what is said, that is an accompishment. I'll say one more thing. Gardy is doing his job. I don't believe he was in the batting order.

The Vikings are 5-0. SKOL, baby! The more I hear and read (can’t watch out here in DC), the more I like how the Vikings are playing a physical game of running the football and then going deep. However, I’m not on the Gus Frerotte bandwagon right now, but that could change. I’m starting to think Mike Tice is becoming the current version of Mike Ditka. But it’s still early; but I’m revising my 9-wins odds to 60-40. -- Mike Tice is no Ditka. But SKOL baby SKOL.

Since we are currently at the quarter point of the season. Here’s my NFL notables:

Biggest surprise team (NFL) – Panthers. Great defense + Stephen Davis = 4-0 -- I'm going to disagree. The Vikings had no chance to get to 5-0 with an unproven D and the loss of Bennett.

Biggest disappointment (NFL) – Raiders. Any team that lets the Bears come back from 15 points in the 2nd half is done in my book. -- No arguement here.
Close, but the man is Steve McNair...Steve Davis is a close second.

Coach of the ¼ year – No it is not Mike Tice, it’s Dick Vermeil, Chiefs. Who knew the Chiefs would be this much better. As the first special teams coach in NFL history (Washington Redskins), that experience seems to be paying off for wins with Dante Hall. -- Wrong again. Tony Dungy has formed a semblance of a D down in Indy that has gone to 5-0....everyone knew that KC could put points up.

And my BIGFFBL notables Biggest surprise team – Team Juice. Luck of the Irish? With the way Notre Dame and my team is playing this year, I think he’s taken most of or all of our luck. -- I'm going with the LB. Who would've thunk that Taylor, Henry and McNair would all be contributing in week 5?

Biggest disappointment – Air JC. Like the Raiders, Father Time is ticking a bit fast for this team. -- No question.

MVP – Jamal Lewis, Nookie. It’s a close one, but when a guy scores TDs every game and averages the yardage Lewis gets, I say he’s a rock. -- Good call. For the last pick in the first round, a great move by Nookie.

Coach of the ¼ year – Nookie. Hey, team is so loaded that it doesn’t need any boost from that Mike Ditka endorsed Levitra this year. -- My vote goes to the LB. He drafted from a tough spot and came out with argueablly the best team in the league. McNair, Henry, Taylor, H.Ward, Galloway, Sharpe and the emergent Buffalo D is going to be a tough group to beat come December.

Well, only about a hours worth of work this week....not too shabby.

Need I say more?

BIGFFBL senior writer Jeremy Carlson (TEQ) sounds off whenever he feels like it on www.bigffbl.com