Lipstick on the
old Pig(skin)....And other fantasy (football) tricks...From the healthy, Norton virus protected notebook of your commish. Thursday September 11th, 2008 7:35 PM Rambling after Week 1... Well, my first Ramblings of the year comes a couple days late.....well, actually, about a week or so late. Didn't quite get the preview issue out this year - so we'll hit it this week. Maybe they'll actually be somewhat accurate with the benefit of having week 1 in the books. As in the past, let's rate the teams on the Carrie Underwood -- Roseanne Barr scale. If you can't figure that out, I'm getting a new tack hammer for my birthday. Let's start out in the Bulldog Division. As far as I'm concerned, our league's Carrie Underwood at this point, is the 3 time champs, the Little Bastards. The starting lineup of McNabb (with Rodgers and Warner backing him up for his inevitable injury), Westbrook, Edge, TO, Houshmandooozzza and Gonzo looks pretty good on paper....just like Carrie (9.5). Team Smith is going to hang on as far as Hasselbeck can take him. Lynch and LJ should be solid enough (assuming the Chiefs don't suck too bad) and his WRs look not too shabby if Hines stays as Big Ben's favorite. Kellen Winslow will be consistent - even if his QB Anderson is a huge let-Bdown this year in Cleveland (which would not surprise me). That leaves Hasselbeck - who has no one left to throw to up in the Pacific-NW. Kinger should head out that way for a tryout. We'll go with an Eva Mendez for Smitty (8.5). As for the Red Horse, aka, "Voluntary Donkeys". Someone may have to clue me in....and maybe it's too obvious for my cement clogged head, but I don't get it. I get the donkey = ass thing, but don't see how it fits in. Anywho....Willie Parker is good. The rest of the team is a bit on the tough side with the WR's leading (or is that holding back?) the charge. Could be a tough year for the furry four legged mammals. Looking like an Ugly Betty (2.0) if no upgrades are made. Juice's turn....horrible week 1 for the seaman, but that's karma for missing the draft. But, Maddenthias, the Greek god of fantasy football has been pleased and the tides will turn for Team Juice. Romo, LT and a guy named Matt (Forte) will lead this team into the playoffs. Not so much via division title - but instead in the rear entry as the wildcard. Watching Earl gives the perfect rating for the Juice.....Jaimee Pressly (9.0). For a break - let's remember 9/11. Seven years has passed quickly, but the images of ground zero on the news Thursday morning was a reminder that it really hasn't been all that long. On to the Husky. That's plural. Or singular I guess. Stupid english language. I hates it. The Izzies had a rough break. The Thomas J Brady era has ended in New England and no one saw that coming. Riddle me this....what if Brady never comes back from this? I don't mean never comes back the same, I mean never comes back at all. In my mind that would cause him to go down as the best quarterback ever. Why? Well, when I think Joe Montana, I think first of his pathetic last few years in KC and second of his big years in SF. If Brady ends it here, he will be remembered not only as by far the best of his era (yes, better than Peyton) but also as a "what if...." kind of player rather than a washed up one who kept hanging on. Oh yea, Scottie's rating.....Britney Spears (1998) before and Britney Spears (2006) after Brady's injury. Team Jonny - good karma for Jonny this year. Made the golf outing and the draft for the first time since Bill Clinton was dropping drawers in the Oval I think. Big steal in the draft grabbing Harrison later. Love AP and Portis - not so much love for Derek Anderson though. Overall, I like this team. Fell into an 0-1 hole this week after losing to Suomala, but will come back and challenge in the Husky. I'm giving Jonny the Jennifer Lopez rating - it's kinda a cop-out since some people like her and some don't. I'll leave it at that and see how it goes for him this year and then decide. He didn't want me to jinx his season - hopefully by typing this I somehow did. Nookie - who did have a note from the doctor for missing the draft - and yes, Bailey was found (the dog, not the alcohol). Ben's team looks really good on paper (or I guess it would be on a laptop's wide screen). But but but, not so much in week 1. That's ok because just like Juice, Maddenthias has only penalized Ben in week 1 for missing the draft. This team will contend with Addai, Barber, Palmer and Holt. I see Ben taking the Husky Division and being the Alyssa Milano (9.0) of the league. Last up for the Husky is Kinger. Jack, the opposite of Juice and Ben, stole a win in week 1, but we all know that it just takes a few stolen wins to sneak you into the postseason in this league. I just don't think Jack will win enough games to have the stolen wins matter much. Manning and Witten are good - but the weakness otherwise might lead Kinger to the toliet.....and a what a better fit for a toilet than a rating of Courtney Love (1.5). Finishing up with the Bison..... The Fish were a bit of a casualty of the Brady knee. I don't see Randy's production being anywhere near what it would have been......although, for the fun of it, wouldn't it be sweet to see Daunte take over in NE? I doubt it - but hey, he's out there and "retired". Pretty sure he's about my age. Gotta be rough. Speaking of those kinds of things....then you have Vince Young. Also, rough.....I'm really losing sleep hoping he can cope with all his pressure. His moms isn't helping him much either by telling the papers that her "baby boy" needs some space. Come on.....too much money to immature people. That's all it is. Suomala will be a middle of the roader....more Julia Stiles than Jewel I think. Mike will also have a tougher year than last. I'm not saying that another golden toilet is in the works - but I don't think a playoff run will happen this year. Big Ben and Big Brett are good arms and SJax is solid, but otherwise, the WR corps are thin at best and the Dallas Clark injury will really hurt if that lingers. Somewhere in the Nichole Richie range (5.0) is probably fitting (unless you like her....then this is an opposite day kind of rating). Your Fantasy Superior has some excellent receivers. Edwards, Fitzgerald and Shockey will be the core of this team. The weakness of his RBs will show though. He might have to lean on Kitna if Bulger can't get anything going - and if the Lions are as bad as they looked in week 1, that might not be a good plan either. Tough year for the Jugs if he can't pick up someone in FA or a trade I'm afraid.....then again, he always seems to end up near the top. A rating of Tiffani Amber Thiessen (8.5) will be allowed by the judges - just for past performance and assumed future success - somehow. Last up is me. I like my team - except for RB #2. Jugs was right on draft night - my RB corps (other than Frank Gore) are WAY older than we are (and even older than Jason). That might show to be a problem in the long run. On the other hand, my WRs may be the best in the league with Wayne (no, not Bruce), Calvin (not & Hobbes) and Marshall (no, not Tommy Lee Jones). Gerrard (no again, still not Tommy Lee Jones) should be good enough for me to take the Bison Division. I'm giving myself the golden Julianne Hough rating (9.7) -- or for you Republicans out there, the Sarah Palin rating. So my pre-season predictions......
Anywho, good luck all in week 2 (except for the LBs and the rest of the Bison of course). Also, Proctor/Hermantown 2008 was last Friday. The Hawks took a close one over our boys....so Jason's pocket is a bit heavier and Ben's lighter. First battle in 3 decades without the old ball coach running the show. Too bad they couldn't grab that hammer this year just for that. As a final note along those lines. In memorial of a man's time who came too soon, our trophy which has been referred to as the "Egerdahl Memorial" is hereby renamed the "Egerdahl-Hylla Memorial" trophy. Need I say more? BIGFFBL senior writer Jeremy Carlson sounds off whenever he feels like it on www.bigffbl.com |