Sweet Sixteen....
Ahhh yes, The Ramblings are back (for 1 week at least).
Kinda makes you feel like its mid-September.
Just imagine the leaves changing colors, crisp cool air and the early
fantasy football season excitement. Ok,
the reality check is that it is early-spring with crisp cool air (not to mention
the forecasted 12-20 inches of snow tonight for Houghton).
But you gotta love the NCAA’s. Brackets
all still look pretty good with just about everyone having a shot and winning
the top prize…..sorry Dad and Wong (Wake Forest and Florida
decided bow out a bit early for a #2 seed).
So many subjects to cover, but I have some time….games
are still about two hours away. Where
to start? Saddam, Vikings, The
“UN”, T-Wolves, Bush, Twinkies, damn deaf Canucks, March Madness,
etc., yada-yada, kabookie.
So why not start out with a good old lessons from Seinfeld….
Lesson #1
"When you look annoyed all the time, people think
that you're busy." (George)
Well maybe that’s a good lead in to pick on Saddam, Bush,
the French or whoever is responsible for Dave Letterman’s opticular
problems, but there will be no politics here.
I’m making this column a no-spin zone the rest of the way.
(probably not true, but it sounds cool)
Lesson #2
"Imagine your whole life riding on an alarm
clock." (Jerry)
I know you’re all thinking about it, but why?
I personally consider myself to be a Seinfeld expert, yet have no idea
where/why/what this one means. This
would be an excellent question to send to David Letterman’s show to get
on the CBS Mailbag segment.
Lesson #3
"You're through, Soup Nazi. Pack it up. No more
soup for you. Next!" (Elaine)
Rumor is that when K.G. is on the court, he talks
some crazy trash. Maybe he could
throw this one into his rotation for the playoff run.
I would love to see the Wolves knock out the Blazers and have K.G. say
something like this to Rasheed after the final horn.
GO
WOLVES!
Lesson #4
"See, the thing of it is, there's a lot of ugly
people out there walking around but they don't know they're ugly because nobody
actually tells them." (Jerry)
This is a very crucial thing to understand as we all grow
up. There is one place in this fine
world where this statement is not true though.
Our good Dr. will testify that there is a slice of heaven on Earth where
all the people walking around are not ugly at all. It’s just too bad that this place is far, far away and to
go there you have to be a guy that can skate really well and be audibally
challenged. No, I’m not talking
about Cameroon…I’m talking Sweden. Even
though the US team didn’t bring home the gold, they at least brought home all
those memories of the Swedish hotties.
Lesson #5
"Now see, this is what the holidays are all about.
Three buddies sitting around, chewing gum." (Kramer)
Just like Guzzy, Dougy and Torri (even
though Mientkievich chews enough for all of them).
I think Monday should be a holiday so I can stay home and watch the
Twinkies destroy the Tigers on opening day.
GO
TWINS!
Lesson #6
"It's a different world when you're with a cool
guy." (George)
So do you think G.W. is the cool guy or is Tony Blair
the cool guy?
Lesson #7
"You'd better be careful with that thing. You'll
start a war." (Kramer)
And that thing is?
a) The U.N. Security Council
b) The word “French”
c) A rotten Venezulean bananna
d)
The word “Ni”
Lesson #8
"If every instinct you have is wrong, then the
opposite would have to be right." (Jerry)
This is a statement that must have been presented to both Mr.
Red McCombs and Mr. Carl Pohlad.
Against what we’ve become accustomed to, both guys managed to open
their extremely fat wallets this offseason to give Minnesota sports fans the
most hope since good old #34 was roaming CF during the day and beating up women
in Minneapolis during the night. With
Claiborne and The Gambler coming to MPLS, this could be a good year for MN
sports.
Lesson #9
“Now there's a career path you may have
overlooked." (Jerry)
For Saddam, there’s life after a regime
change…..cable TV installer, librarian, Mr. Rooter franchisee, Baghdad WalMart
greeter, 1-hour photolab technician……
Lesson #10
"I won a contest." (George)
Need I say more?
BIGFFBL senior writer Jeremy Carlson sounds off whenever he feels like it on geocities.com/bigffbl